As you all know Mother's day is this weekend, I hope you all have something nice planned for the woman who put up with all your crap for so long. I'm planning on taking my Mum out to dinner and maybe get her some flowers. I just hope she doesn't have to work Sunday, but if she does that's no worries because I'm on vacation so I can do it during the week if I need to.
Yep as of this afternoon I'm off for two weeks. I've got several things planned for my time off, I'll be doing a bit of traveling with the help of my new GPS for my truck. I may also get some more ink done, been wanting a new tat for a while now, just never have gotten around to it.
Well my business partner bought himself a new toy, he picked up a Volkswagon Thing today. After having done some research on them they appear to be rather collectable and with what he paid for it he got a steal! Now it does need some work as would be expected for a car that's 25 years old but it runs and is drivable the way it is. The entire front clip really needs to be replaced but isn't that bad.
Well I'm gonna keep this update short, vacation mode has kicked in already and I'm ready to drink some beer, kick back, and start enjoying my time off. There will not be an update next week, so look for a new one in two weeks.
A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him at the checkout. She turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."
He answered, "That's okay."
"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mom" as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."
She then went through the checkout. As she was on her way out of the store, The man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."
The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.
"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.
"How come so much? I only bought 5 items!"
The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."
Don't trust little Old Ladies!!!
A Story About Getting Even
One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny, and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn't know what to call her so we named her 'Pussycat.'
The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come and get her.
My husband (the complainer) said, 'OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks.' He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him.
My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband 'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'. They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion.
The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet.
The MD's waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see the doctor. A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband arrive.
He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, 'Your wife's pussy doesn't stink any more. We washed and shaved it, and now she smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant. God only knows who the father is!' Then he closed the door.
Now THAT, my friends, is getting even!
A young woman had been taking golf lessons. She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain.
Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, "Why are you back in so early? What's wrong?"
"I was stung by a bee", she said.
"Where?", he asked.
"Between the first and second hole", she replied.
He nodded knowingly and said, "Then your stance is too wide."
The Buffalo Theory
The Buffalo Theory - In one episode of 'Cheers', Cliff is seated at the bar describing the Buffalo Theory to his buddy, Norm. I don't think I've ever heard the concept explained any better than this.
'Well you see, Norm, it's like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the lowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.'
That's all I have in me for this update, make sure to check back every week for new ones, tell your friends about the site and if you have anything you think might interest me contact me, so until next week check out my archives and don't come crying to me when your girlfriend dumps you, just send me the naked pics of here so I can post them here as revenge for you.
Last post made by: malektaus™ on May 9 2008, 11:37 PM
Last weekend I sat down to watch some programs on my TV that I had recorded on my DVR, well the damned thing kept locking up everytime I hit play. So I unplugged it to reset it, but instead of doing it at the wall I pulled the DVR out and unplugged it from behind. I've done this several times in the past very successfully so I knew this would fix the problem. Well it did fix the problem but also created a new problem. Somehow the colors got way off and I no longer had red or green, they both showed up as brown. I tried everything I could think of with the TV and nothing I did helped. So I put up with it for a few days until I had time to take the thing back to the cable company and get a new one.
Finally on Wednesday I had some free time and took it in at which point without hesitation they gave me the new upgraded DVR. I leave feeling very positive that this would fix my problem. I knew it wasn't the TV because I had tried it with my DVD player and all the colors were present. So late that afternoon when I got home and hooked it up, and then waited for it's programs to upgrade, I turned it on. Hmmm the colors still aren't all there, in fact it's just the same as before.
So now I'm thinking it may be an issue with the inputs on the TV and since I have so many I figure I'll just move the cables to a different input. Get behind the TV, locate the cables and oddly enough there are 5 cables, 3 video and 2 audio. I only plugged in 4 cables into the DVR, so back around to the front, pull out the DVR and find the 3rd video cable hiding at the back of the entertainment center, plug it in and all the colors are back to normal. Now I didn't go say anything to the cable company, in fact I'm glad this happened as I got the new DVR, I just need to be more careful next time.
It just hasn't been my week for technology, my laptop which since I bought the piece of shit, has not been able to connect to the internet through it's ethernet card, plus one of the programs keeps locking it up. So I let a friend of mine fuck with it and within 2 hours he not only got the troublesome program to shut down but had connected to the internet through the ethernet card and had downloaded the upgrades for the OS. So maybe now i can use it for more than an expensive paper weight.
Have you guys checked out the sanity fades mini-city? It's growing rather well and always is looking for new people to move in. While your at it why not check out the sanity fades friend page. It's all free and who knows you might like it.
Well that's all for this week now let's see what I have for you for the rest of this update.
A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare checks. I'd really rather have a job."
The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent.
We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter.
You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes.
Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.
You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips.
You will have to satisfy her sexual urges.
You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $90,000 a year."
The guy, wide-eyed, says , "You're Bullshittin' me!" The Social Worker says, "Yeah, well... You started it."
One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and my brother who is four years older than I am. I was maybe 3 and a half years old and had just recovered from an accident in which my arm had been broken among other injuries.
Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news and my brother was playing nearby in the living room when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!!'
My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then she says to him, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet??'
...Mothers know!!
A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crab.
A female crew member took the box and promised to put it in the Crew's' refrigerator, which she did.
The man firmly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.
She was annoyed by his behavior.
Shortly before landing in New York, she announced over the intercom to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans , please raise your hand?"
Not one hand went up.. so she took them home and ate them herself.
Some men never learn!
She was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast.
He walked in; She turned and said, You've got to make love to me this very moment.'
His eyes lit up and he thought, 'This is my lucky day.'
Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her And then gave it his all; Right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' And returned to the stove.
More than a little puzzled, he asked, 'What was that all about?'
She explained, 'The egg timer's broken.'
That's all I have in me for this update, make sure to check back every week for new ones, tell your friends about the site and if you have anything you think might interest me contact me, so until next week check out my archives and don't come crying to me when your girlfriend dumps you, just send me the naked pics of here so I can post them here as revenge for you.
Last post made by: malektaus™ on May 3 2008, 11:14 PM
